Bloody Ol' England

Over the last weekend I was invited to go to Liverpool and London with Graham and his parents Joe & Cathy McCall. We would fly to Liverpool, train to London and then train back to Paris. We packed as much stuff as we could into 2 ½ days and did pretty damn good. This would be my second weeekend getaway from Paris during my tenure as a Tour Guide. More importantly it was my second chance to get the travel thing down a little better before Graham and I start our Magical Mystery Tour of Europe in about 2 weeks.

We got to Liverpool on Sunday at about noon and had to go straight to the hotel to drop our stuff off and get to the pubs as soon as we could because kickoff was at 3:00 p.m. Graham had bought a Liverpool jersey here in Paris last month so he had the gear already. I, on the other hand, needed something quickly because if you aren’t sporting their colors you look like an ass from Texas who doesn’t belong at a “Futbol Match”… It appeared that one of the must haves for these clubs is the team scarf so I was in. Easy enough.



Well needless to say the game was amazing. The fans at this thing were awesome as well. As luck would have it, I sat next to a 350 lb. man from the the Bahamas named Steve. Tight squeeze. Throughout the game Steve tried to convince me that not only was he New York all state in basketball in high school (which was hard enough to believe), but that he accomplished the same in soccer. Basketball maybe, but soccer? He might as well have been trying to convince me that he was a horse jockey in his spare time as well. Its one of those things that the French like to say in broken English "is not pozzible".Steve was cool though, and he knew more about the teams than I ever will so that helped. We were sitting next to the visiting teams section, Tottenham, and they didn’t stop singing and chanting the whole time. A lot of this had to do with the fact that they were huge underdogs and held the lead most all of the second half. Considering we had just left Paris the night before where our Horns lost and New Zealand (the team I picked in my bracket to win) lost, we were probably bad luck coming in. Turns out, in the end, Liverpool scored a goal to tie it up at 2-2 with 1 minute left. I will say that if one were just to stumble upon the crowds that gather at these matches, and this might just be in Liverpool, but from looks alone you might confuse the event for a rabid supremacist rally. Over 50% of the men stomping around the stadium were drunk overweight white males with shaved heads relentlessly chanting. The other 50% probably fit any 5 of the 6 characteristics. No real violence to speak of though just threats. Overall the day was pretty exhausting and we were headed to London the next day so we went out and had some Italian and then crashed. Unfortunately, no Abbey Road for us on this trip to Liverpool.




We would get to London the next morning and get started as quick as we could. It was gloomy and overcast, as expected, and so to start it off right we went to an English Pub and had some fish and chips (Beer battered Cod and Fries) for lunch. From here we would go see the houses of Parliament, Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, The London Eye, and Downing Street. I will admit that after being a tour guide it was a little frustrating not knowing a damn thing about what I was looking at. Made me appreciate how touristy people are on my tours sometimes. Constantly referencing their Rick Steves guide book clutched tightly under their arm at all times. Taking pictures every time they look up. Not having the slightest clue what they are looking at but still seeming genuinely interested. It made a little more sense now.



On our way down the river bank to get on the London Eye there were these street performers doing different poses. One, pretending to be a statue, was so good that we walked up closer to see if it really was a stature or a person. Just as we got close enough to see a little flesh around his eyes, he quietly lifted his hands up and gave us all the bird.



After dinner that night Graham and I would find our way into this pub that was having a jam night. They just had guys sign up that had brought their instruments to the bar and jam together. It was an old blues bar that Muddy Waters and B.B. King played in back in the day so it was pretty cool. Although the dollar is in the shits compared to the Pound, $2.02, not having to pay $10-$12 for a beer, like we do in Paris, was nice too.



The next day we got up and went to see St. Paul’s Cathedral (the biggest in the world), the Tate Modern Art Museum, Shakespeare’s Globe Theater, and then finished off our London trip in the only appropriate way. High Tea. That’s right, we muddled through the rainy streets of London all day and then went to unwind with Tea Time. The whole nine yards. Scones, Tarts, Tea, and even the little sandwiches with the crust cut off the edges. Real Special.



A few comments…

*The driving on the wrong side of the road thing is bizarre. And dangerous as hell. I always thought it was no big deal and that I would be able to handle it. This was the first time I was exposed to it and I was dead ass wrong. Riding in cabs and sitting shotgun blew my mind. Even walking around on the streets was out of control. They have literally written on all the crosswalks which way to look because odds are you are looking the wrong way and are about to get smoked from someone coming the other way.

*The amount of Starbucks in London is the most ridiculously unnecessary thing I have ever seen. You could literally stand in one place and see 3 different stores. I think there are something like 600 in 2 square miles or less and every one of them was busy at all times.

*Other than that it was everything you see in the movies. Red phone booths, double decker busses, Brits with bad teeth, meat pies and kidney beans and shit. All true.

Paris has been awesome and to be honest I was actually glad to get back once we left but I will say that it was nice to hear a little English for once again. And something about the British accent is hot.

I do want to say how much I appreciate everything Mr. & Mrs. McCall did for me. My London trip would definitely not have been the same without them. The dinners, hotels, and even High Tea were all amazing and seeing the sights with them (Mrs. Cathy with the guide book clutched tightly at all times) was great as well. If for any reason any of you have the chance to spend an evening, or in my case a weekend in Europe, with them; don’t pass it up. Thanks again to the McCalls, Graham included, for the amazing trip. Ill never forget it.