No Worries Mate?

Hello all. Well a lot has happened since I last posted here so let’s get to it. Celebrity sightings, more flat tires, newly formed outlooks on cultural discrimination, and another great tour that wraps many all of these exciting new events into one tasty story.

So it was my first night bike tour. What this means is that we take 20-25 people down one of the busiest streets in the city for about 20 minutes all the way down to Notre Dame. Trying to keep everyone together with busses and taxis honking, yelling, giving the finger, and even old ladies yelling at you in the crosswalks (that’s happened to me twice so far) can get a little stressful. So I was the 3rd guide out that night which meant there were two groups of 25 in front of me. On the night tour we bring bottles of wine in a backpack as well so I was carrying 6 bottles with me at the time. After the first stop, the guide in front of me had his backpack stolen so he had no wine for his group. So now I had about 45 people more or less in our group as the other guide had to go meet up with someone to get more wine. At this point I realize that a small group of people in another group had gotten lost in front of me while stopping on their own to take pictures, something we tell you not to do, so I picked them up too. We finally get on the boat and everyone is accounted for plus we have wine for everyone so we can relax. Well apparently small Asian women, like 90 lbs. small, cant handle their booze. When it was time to get this girl off the boat she could barely walk, much less ride a bike. So I had the pleasure of basically, in the most polite way possible, kicking them off the tour. I took their bikes and locked them up at the nearest rack I could find and walked them to the metro station, all while the rest of my group is looking on. Very comfortable situation to be in. Great first night bike tour.

To the celebrity sightings I have had. I was riding around in one of the swankier areas of the city on my bike and as I was turning a corner I passed James Bond coming down the sidewalk. I did a double take at first but it was definitely Pierce Brosnan. The other one is not near as cool but you fans of Arrested Development will appreciate it. Both Graham and I have had Busters sister on our tours, two separate times. Both times she made a small comment about the Segways being forever immortalized by the show and then we found out who she was. Very cool lady and even looked a bit like him.

Now to one of the more perplexing issues of my time spent here so far… F-ing Australians. Unbelievable these people. I can understand that tipping someone for a job well done may not be customary in your country, but this is ridiculous. What really sucks is that they are genuinely fun and nice people. The tours with Aussies and Kiwis are usually some of the best as well because they are all a little off their rocker to start with. But by now I feel like I should go to Australia when I am done here and just start stealing shit off the shelves just to get even. Not a dime from these people. Not even the meaningless coins that are weighing down one of their 30 cargo pockets. And to top it all off, they all say, "No worries mate" to everything. I think its fair to say that that is up to me to decide, mate.

I do have to admit one of the best parts of the job is meeting people from all over the world and spending an afternoon with them talking about all sorts things. From carrier pigeon races and the legalities of pot in Holland to an afternoon with only a father and daughter from Belgium that told me everywhere I need to go when I travel, the conversations are the best part. However, you can bet that at the end of the day, when all is said and done and I have thrown out the best bullshit I could think of, the tip jar is always happier when there are Americans on board. Theres not even a close second. You can forget Canadians. They are too busy complaining about the chip on their shoulder for not being American. I wont go into any others for fear of losing viewership as well as friends.

I hope you all enjoy the addition of the little slideshow here at the bottom. You’re welcome. However, I am working to get pictures of all of us added to it soon. I am having some trouble as of now re-sizing it all but "no worries", it will be done soon. Hope all is well back home. Big weekend for the Horns, real special. We have been in contact with the Texas Exes here and we have a meeting spot planned for game nights. The first one is at 1 a.m. at a place called the Great Canadian Pub. The whole real world house will be attending in full gear, alma mater or not. That being said, good luck to everyone and your respective teams this year. Hook ‘em, Geaux Tigers, Wreck em (hahha), OU sucks. That’s all for now. Have a great day.

My first time...

Well it has officially all begun. I am a tour guide. Unfortunately, we had to ship a few back to the states that couldn’t handle the new guide hazing that went down. Lucky for Graham and I, we had a strong frat foundation that we could fall back on.

My first tour, which was on Friday, was a private Segway tour for a family of 5 from New York. They were an hour and a half late and didn’t want to stop to eat which turned a 4 hour tour into about a 2 and a half hours. The Dad spent the whole time yelling at his kids so that they didn’t break one of the $5,000 Segways while the mom was riding in the back about 50 yards behind everyone stressing about her husband yelling at her kids.

My best tour so far came on Sunday. We had terrible weather the whole time but the people were awesome. There were a few brothers and their families from Chicago as well as a family of 3 from Dripping Springs, Texas, the Rogers, that were great. They had a daughter that was in her first semester at Texas and mom who really liked tour guides that just recently graduated from Texas named Ross…. We had a conversation over lunch about what I missed the most so far in my time here in Paris. Besides the college football season that is about to pass me by, I was quick to acknowledge the amount of bread and cheese, and therefore lack of protein, that I had been snacking on so far and the damage I could do to a nice Chicken Fried Steak or Cheeseburger. Oddly enough, the Rogers own a ranch back home in Texas and Casey, the mom, would just love to send me some good ol’ home grown beef to Paris. So I have to look forward to.

After our lunch stop we were off to the Louvre, which unfortunately for me is the farthest point from the shop on the tour. Before I can even begin to start my rap about the Louvre I hear that one of the girls in the back has a flat tire. No big deal, it comes with the territory of tour guiding. Although this was my first real flat in the fields I was calm. Then I hear grandma from Germany in the back quietly speak up for the first time all day. It was a mumbling shriek for help while pointing at her tire. She had a flat as well. So its pouring down rain in front of the Louvre and I am scurrying back and forth to fix these tires while my “team” patiently sits and watches. After about 15-20 minutes of fumbling through my repair and a few feeble attempts to humor the crowd, we were ready to rock. This is where I began to question the luck I would have over the next couple of months. Somehow, Mike, one of the dads managed to pop his tire while we were standing still, seriously. I didn’t want to make this crowd wait in the rain for another 15 minutes so I traded bikes with him and ran the rest of the tour and pushed the bike. Although I am still clearly in no shape to be running with or without, especially with, a bike, I made it back and really earned my stripes with this particular crowd. Pictures all around with the families and good times had by all.

Week 2 in the Real World house has been great as well. I have worked out a deal with Eliza. She agrees to cook and I clean the dishes. We have all gotten into our routines as well so we have been able to go out more. Its unreal how much they can charge for beer here. A pint can be 6-8 euro and a pitcher was 22 euro at one of the bars, roughly 30 bucks. On the other hand though, you can get a decent bottle of wine for about 5 euro, so we have been taking full advantage of that.


A list of a few firsts for me so far here in Paris.
(Besides the whole living with 4 girls thing)

1. Bought and used a bike past the age of 11.
2. Used the bike lane
3. Been pissed off at people for misuse of the bike lane
4. Driven a bike to a bar.
5. Driven a bike HOME from a bar.
6. Had a picnic
7. Gotten a buzz at a picnic
8. Blogged
9. Gotten out of a traffic ticket because I couldn’t speak the language
10. Paid more for a Dr. Pepper than a bottle of wine.

That’s it for now but I’m sure there are many more firsts to come. Until next time, Go Falcons!

-Le Boss

As if to say, "Lets Do This!"

Ross here, I know I know its been too long and for that I apologize. I have had no phone access or time to sit at a computer for the last week so I will try to do better from here on out. Times are tough. But because I love you all equally, I felt that in order to keep you all posted on the latest and greatest fashions from Paris, I would start a BLOG. Rossleboss.blogspot.com. Like that one don’t you? I have no idea what I’m getting myself into, but I’m excited for us all to explore this new frontier together.

So as expected, once I left Texas, things began to fall apart. We arrived in Chicago to catch our connecting flight to Paris at 6:00 p.m. and it was delayed; first until 7, then 7:30, and then 8:15 and we were finally on the plane…but going nowhere. I had had a few drinks in the airport just to make sure the beer tasted ok in Chicago and also to help all those muscle relaxers kick in quicker, but I was quickly losing my buzz. Just kidding, but seriously. So to get to the point we sat on a parked plane for another 3 and a half hours with no food or drink before they finally let us off and sent us all to our respective hotels. I know you are thinking to yourself, “Oh man, I bet Ross was raising hell on the plane” but luckily for the flight crew, and even surprising to me, I remained calm throughout the ordeal.

The following day we were off to Paris at 4:30 p.m. sitting next to the craziest she-devil I have ever met in my life, but entertaining to say the least. Abigail called herself an artist but I would lean more towards a single woman in her late 50’s that enjoys a nice acid trip every once in awhile and putting her makeup on in the dark using a paint roller…Anyways, we arrived in Paris at 7:30 a.m. local time and had to go straight to work. Graham and I mounted our new California Beach Crusiers and were off to learn our way around the city. We were lost 10 minutes later.

Our first 6 days were about 16 hours each and full of museum visits and a total of 10 4-5 hour tours around the city; baptism by fire if you will. Meanwhile, we were staying in a hostel/hotel each night trying to find a place to live in what little spare time we had. We looked at a few ‘flats’ or studio places for the two of us that were absolutely tiny and kept an ear open to see what the other guides were finding. Graham and I now live with 4 girls. Shocking I know, but to be honest, the place they found was just too nice not to live in. The timing and the price were just too special so we hopped on board. Hopefully, I can have a little rundown of the roommates included in the BLOG sometime soon, a profile page if you will. The joke around the shop is that it’s the Real World Paris house, and its pretty spot on. Ross, Graham, Maggie, Carolyn, Emily and Eliza. 4 girls, 2 guys, 1 shower, 1 shitter, and one amazing city to dominate. Should be an interesting season.

So the job itself has a feel of like a summer camp counselor, very laid back as you can imagine. We are all in or around the shop all day and see each other throughout the city giving our tours. The people of Paris all know exactly who we are and hate us with a passion. We pretty much make up our own traffic laws and they can’t stand it. Lots of horns honking and fingers out the windows,,, lots. The people on the tours are usually great though and we have fun with it. Parisians are silly aren’t they!!!

I want to take this opportunity to give out an open invitation to anyone that is thinking about traveling in the near future to come to Paris. I have room for you and know way more about the city than you do, but I am willing to share both. So quickly add this link to your favorites and try and keep up. Once I master this whole BLOG thing I promise to add pictures and my keep you posted on my best stories. You will all be dying to come visit I’m sure

So to wrap up this inaugural installment of the life of a tour guide, life is great and I hope the same for all of you. No matter if you are reading this from your comfy living room couch, your new frat pad, or your nice new respective cubicle, know that everyday at work when I look up at the Eiffel Tower or down the Seine River I am thinking of you.

Au Revoir, Perge!, Lookin Sharp, Heavy, Special, With Love,